It was an afternoon in May, and I was home by myself. I remember sitting at the dining room table, the sun shining through the window as I opened my laptop. There was an email notification for test results available on my medical portal. When I opened it the findings of a recent MRI stared me in the face. It showed that I had a high chance of having prostate cancer. What’s called a PIRAD score was given, and I was a 5 on a scale of 1-5, the highest score for cancer you can get.
It was like a punch in the gut. This is serious!
Before long, my wife Sally returned home from the grocery store and I shared the information with her. She was shocked as well. You see, I view myself as the trim, healthy fit guy who regularly goes to the gym, who looks and and acts younger than most men my age, or so I’m often told.
Now this! What do I do? What do I pray?
As Sally and I read about prostate cancer online, we learned that an MRI can sometimes show something that looks like cancer, but is actually an infection. That’s what we were hoping and praying.
The next step was to schedule a biopsy. What a tense time it was—three weeks of waiting, wondering, worrying; letting family and friends know. We prayed that it would not be the cancer that it was suspected to be. We prayed for healing; at the same time, I had a definite sense that God was working in all of this.
In addition to what I was facing, there were a couple of other very difficult situations in our family. In March, just two months before my diagnosis, my wife Sally had extensive jaw surgery, her fourth in the last few years for a chronic jaw infection. She still hadn’t fully recovered. Then in April one of our daughters had a double mastectomy for breast cancer. She, too, was still recovering.
Now I was facing cancer.
In tracking prostate health there’s two blood tests, prostate specific antigen (PSA), total and free. Prior to the MRI my total PSA was slightly elevated, however, the free PSA showed a cancer pattern. As we waited for the biopsy appointment, I had time to check a total PSA again. That test came back with a much more optimistic number than I expected.
So eagerly I contacted my doctor about this improvement and asked if there were things we should check before doing the biopsy? He deflated that optimistic balloon when he said, “Sorry, the MRI trumps everything. We need to go ahead with the biopsy.” That was not what I was hoping to hear.
Lots of people were praying for me: family, friends, and the men in my Bible study group at church. I’d mentioned my cancer diagnosis on the air, and some of our listeners started praying. The day of my biopsy arrived. I’d heard stories about the pain involved, like being punched over and over in the gut. So I was dreading the procedure. But thanks to the skill of my doctor and his team it was almost painless, and the recovery was quite brief. We didn’t have to wait long for results which showed definite prostate cancer and a Gleason score of 4+5. What? That’s a high score showing high risk cancer.
So, a lot of the question marks were no longer there, just the reality that I have advanced prostate cancer. What do we do now? What is God doing?
When I got the news, my Bible reading at that time had me in the book of Job. Is that ironic or what? Here’s the thing; prior to all this happening, I had wanted to go deeper with God. Well, here was my opportunity!
You know, there’s something about serious illness that helps clear away stuff between us and God. For me it was like driving through fog, then the fog clears. A doctor friend said once, when you’re healthy you’ve got all kinds of things to worry about; when you have a serious health issue there’s just one thing to worry about. It changes priorities. Things are easier to figure out, and things that aren’t really important, that don’t really matter, those things just fall away.
One of the most recent stresses with this diagnosis of cancer, is what treatment do we go for? Is it surgery? Is it traditional radiation? Is it proton radiation? We talked to doctors, We read. We watched videos. We talked to people fighting cancer, we prayed. Others prayed for us. With God’s help we made the decision that in my case we would go with proton beam radiation, in combination with suppressing testosterone.
At this time, I feel great; I’m not in pain, I’ve got energy. That may change. There can be side effects from suppressing testosterone. There can be side effects from the 28 treatments of proton beam radiation therapy that will begin in the next couple of months.
In the last 60 days I have filled out a lot of forms. I’ve been surprised to see a spiritual question or two along the way. Do I have a religious belief or spiritual focus that I want to mention? This provides an opportunity, to not only write an answer on the form, but when I’m with a doctor or healthcare worker, it opens the door to talk about my faith. I used to think it was scary and difficult to share about my faith. But over the last couple of years, it has become easier, partly from just doing it. And now with cancer as a door opener, the opportunities are everywhere!
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