Brant got a note from a listener mentioning that she was really thankful for something that he’d written on what a woman should look for in a man. Here are the five things he shared that he wanted his daughter to look for. Take a listen!
Transcription:
Brant:
Got a note from a listener. It said she was really thankful for something that I’d written. I was really glad to hear that. I had forgotten I’d written this and it was five things I want my daughter to look for in a man, and so she went back and found it. I was like, where is that? What did I say? And I guess I wrote it before my daughter found Zach. And he’s awesome, but I went back to find it. She said it was really helpful that her daughter took it to heart. Like, oh, that’s why this guy Uhuh. But anyway, I thought we could review some of those.
Sherri:
Yeah.
Brant:
One of them I wrote, he practices self denial. This gets to be true, whether it’s your daughter or you, let’s say you’re a single woman. Just let me be your big brother or something for now. Look for a guy who practices self denial. I said, this can be shown in many ways. He can successfully work a job he doesn’t like, but he can still do it, do it well. He shows discipline with his money. Or how about this? He listens to people even when they’re not talking about something he enjoys. So I would observe that these are little, just little markers, but they mean a lot more than maybe just not something you just slough off. If you practices self denial, he knows how to do it. That’s huge. This could apply if you’re just, you’re a single woman. You’re listening to this. Maybe just let me be your big brother here for what you should look for.
A couple other big ones. He doesn’t respond in anger. Now, some men think anger is a mark of manliness. Quite the opposite is true. Self-control perspective and forgiveness are marks of strength. The anger thing is a huge red flag.
Sherri:
Yeah.
Brant:
Don’t just act like it’s no big deal because he’s cute.
Sherri:
Yeah.
Brant:
Another one, he gives attention… This is a big deal, he gives attention, respect, and kindness to non attractive females. Attention, respect, and kindness to non attractive females. This is a very important related question. How does he treat people who can do nothing for him? If he tends to ignore them or mock them? You’re very possibly dealing with a narcissist.
Sherri:
Wow. Run away. Now.
Brant:
We’re talking about this little list I drew up. Here’s one. He takes responsibility. This is huge. It should be obvious, but unfortunately we get blinded, right? But this is what my, I wanted my daughter to look for a man. She found a great one, but I said he takes responsibility. He’s not an excuses guy. He doesn’t run away from his own mistakes. He doesn’t see himself as a victim. This to me is the essence of masculinity. Taking responsibility. There’s a word for a man who won’t take responsibility, and that word is child. That’s not who you want. Somebody who doesn’t take responsibility. This is huge.
Lastly, I put his instinct is to protect, not hurt. He doesn’t take advantage of you when you’re weak, and when he encounters the vulnerable, he doesn’t make fun of them. He defends and befriends them even when no one’s looking. By the way, I added as an addendum, if a man seems “church impressive,” I put that in quotes, check for this stuff, because being on stage and leading worship or talking a great Christian game, or being admired in public, or leading a ministry… it’s all neat, but it has nothing to do with being a great husband. You can get props for all that stuff. It can be an ego thing. It can. It can.
Sherri:
And it doesn’t mean you have these qualities.
Brant:
No, not at all. It’s just like it looks, but that’s very tricky because you think, oh, okay, he’s got his passion. No, no. Watch for this stuff in person. How he’s treating people who can’t do anything for him, how he takes responsibility. That’s what we’re talking about.
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